Tag Archives: Vanessa plays the clarinet

The one where Vanessa plays the clarinet

Clair comes home from work and Cliff makes fun of her for losing yet another legal case which maybe wouldn’t happen if she had a computer and more than the one law book she is always carrying around. Vanessa enters the living room eating a candy bar so of course Clair freaks out because she hates nothing more than leaving control of the children’s dietary restrictions to Cliff during the workday. Except maybe untapered pants. Vanessa explains that Cliff has bribed her with candy if she will practice her clarinet. Cliff and Clair discuss how much they have invested in their children’s hobbies over the years and Cliff learns Vanessa’s clarinet costs $245, an obvious mistake because there should be no investment more than $5 where Vanessa is concerned. The family overhears Vanessa playing (it is horrible) and Cliff goes up to have a chat with Vanessa. Vanessa explains that Janet (who continues to be a shitty friend) quit playing the clarinet and so she no longer wants to play either. Cliff commands Vanessa to practice anyway because she has a commitment to perform at a recital and then she can discuss quitting to spend all her freetime spying on people and prank calling boys. Later that evening, Cliff and Clair have a long discussion about jogging together which allows ample time for Cliff to prance around the room in his pajamas demonstrating his superior jogging form compared to Clair’s form which apparently resembles an extremely effeminate gay man running away from a building on fire with kleenex tucked into the front of his pants. The next day, Rudy is for some reason dressed like a young man in a sweater vest and bow-tie and greets Vanessa’s clarinet teacher, Dizzy Gillespie, who comes over to the house to give her extra help. The family goes to her recital and it is terrible and everyone wants to leave except Clair because she didn’t wear her velcro-shoulder pads for nothing.


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