There are, like, eight of these episodes because Theo consistently hates to study, gets peer pressured by his best friend Cockroach to take shortcuts (Janet:Vanessa::Cockroach:Theo) and is just generally less intelligent than the rest of the Huxtable kids. Which is weird because he’s the only Huxtable kid who is constantly carrying around a notebook and school books.
Monthly Archives: September 2008
“Can you tell me more about one of the shows where Vanessa’s hair looks like the Rock of Gibraltar?”
Vanessa has friends even shittier than Janet. Like Angela, for instance, who thinks it’s a great idea to play The Alphabet Game with a bottle of bourbon. Vanessa and her friends get super wasted and it’s a good thing no boys are around or there’d probably be a very special chlamydia episode. Denise picks Vanessa up and tries to sneak her into the house, but Cliff and Clair find out about Vanessa’s drunkeness when Angela’s mom calls to apologize for her daughter having the drinking habits of a middle-aged man who wears an ascot and breeds horses. Vanessa vomits all over her bed and when Cliff and Clair come in to check on her they yell at her for a moment before leaving her passed out face-down on the bed, clearly not caring if her air passage is blocked because hey, nobody has high expectations for her anyway. Vanessa gets home from school the next day, still hungover and miserable, and true to form Cliff and Clair decide it’s a perfect time to sit her down and teach her a lesson using an elaborate scheme involving various family members playing character roles. This time, the scheme involves Cliff, Clair, Rudy and Vanessa all playing The Alphabet Game together in the living room with a bottle of bourbon. Vanessa holds Cliff in such low regard as to actually believe that he would make young Rudy take bourbon shots that she falls for the scheme until the very end when she realizes the bourbon is just tea and everyone has been laughing at her expense the whole time. Which only cements her feelings of insecurity and commitment to drinking herself into oblivion in her closet each morning before school from here on out.
Clair comes home from work and Cliff makes fun of her for losing yet another legal case which maybe wouldn’t happen if she had a computer and more than the one law book she is always carrying around. Vanessa enters the living room eating a candy bar so of course Clair freaks out because she hates nothing more than leaving control of the children’s dietary restrictions to Cliff during the workday. Except maybe untapered pants. Vanessa explains that Cliff has bribed her with candy if she will practice her clarinet. Cliff and Clair discuss how much they have invested in their children’s hobbies over the years and Cliff learns Vanessa’s clarinet costs $245, an obvious mistake because there should be no investment more than $5 where Vanessa is concerned. The family overhears Vanessa playing (it is horrible) and Cliff goes up to have a chat with Vanessa. Vanessa explains that Janet (who continues to be a shitty friend) quit playing the clarinet and so she no longer wants to play either. Cliff commands Vanessa to practice anyway because she has a commitment to perform at a recital and then she can discuss quitting to spend all her freetime spying on people and prank calling boys. Later that evening, Cliff and Clair have a long discussion about jogging together which allows ample time for Cliff to prance around the room in his pajamas demonstrating his superior jogging form compared to Clair’s form which apparently resembles an extremely effeminate gay man running away from a building on fire with kleenex tucked into the front of his pants. The next day, Rudy is for some reason dressed like a young man in a sweater vest and bow-tie and greets Vanessa’s clarinet teacher, Dizzy Gillespie, who comes over to the house to give her extra help. The family goes to her recital and it is terrible and everyone wants to leave except Clair because she didn’t wear her velcro-shoulder pads for nothing.